


Dick In A Box

by Emeraldawn



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Gen, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Like total crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-30
Updated: 2013-07-30
Packaged: 2017-12-21 20:32:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/904598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emeraldawn/pseuds/Emeraldawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What was in Stiles' present for Lydia?  I mean it was a big box!</p><p>Yep, crack fic written for some challenge of at LJ.</p><p> But at least it's beta'd.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dick In A Box

“What the hell is _that_?” Lydia looked at Stiles as he stood in her doorway holding a very large wrapped box. Whatever was in it couldn’t have been too heavy, since Stiles was able to carry the package by himself. However, she doubted he could fit through the door with it.

“It’s your present. Happy Birthday!” Stiles shook the box, which was strangely silent for a package that size. Knowing Stiles, it was probity a gift card wrapped in many layers and smaller boxes. “Can I get a little help here?”

Lydia rolled her eyes, turning to leave before Stiles called out, “But you should to open it here. Now!”

“Why would I do that?” 

“Because it’s… uh…perishable.” Stiles said, trying to get the box through the door with little success. 

“Perishable.” Lydia deadpanned. “You got me something to eat.”

“Well…no? I mean no, it’s not food. Although, some people do put them in their mouths,” Stiles rambled as he tried to maneuver the box through the door using a different angle. One good shove, and he popped through, stumbling a bit on the threshold.

“Stiles, _what the hell is that_?”

“Well, I wanted to get you something you don’t have. And I _know_ you don’t have this!” Stiles proclaimed, giant box still in hand. “It’s a dick in a box!”

“What?”

“You know Lonely Island-“

“I’ve seen the sketch, Stiles, but why? And why such a big box?” 

“I need a large box,” Stiles said with an eyebrow wiggle and a grin.

“Whatever you believe, _big boy_ , but it doesn’t matter. I like mine to come with a customer rating. I don’t want to be the first to try a product.” Lydia walked off to get more punch.

_______________________________________

Stiles tried to sink down in his desk, hiding from the laughing eyes of his classmates. He totally forget the condom in his pocket, because he was still in the same clothes from last night. It wasn’t his fault, he was worried about Heather!

And, of course, the coach would have to be the one to pick up the offensive latex-wrapped packet that announced _in large yellow letters among a blue background_ : XXXL .   
“Stilinski. And congratulations.” 

Maybe if he asked Scott, he could kill him now.

But before he could ask, Scott leaned over and whispered, “Dude, I thought you were just joking the whole time.”

Wait? What? Scott said...? Scott thought he had a big…oh! Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all!


End file.
